Pregnant After Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy after pregnancy loss is hard. There is a lot of fear and anxiety, and probably a great deal of asking why. Why did you lose the last baby? What could you do differently to help with this one? With every twinge in your side or pain in your back, you wonder are you going to lose this baby too? These are normal feelings! We want to be able to care for our littles while they are growing inside of us in the same way we want to care for them once they’re earthside. We want to know all the things so that we don’t miss anything important or let something bad happen. You are not alone in those feelings.
When you have lost hope in having a little life, you ache physically, emotionally and mentally. You want to dream of parenthood but are scared to death to try again. We would encourage you to find other people who have experienced pregnancy loss to share your story, listen to their story, and sit in the grief and fear together. When you have told your story and cried, when you have heard others’ stories and cried with them, you can start to let hope in again. Find people who are willing to hear your hopes, encourage those dreams, and hold space for the moments of fear and concern.
Some people find it helpful to write out what they are afraid will happen and get it out of their mind. Some people like to document the last pregnancy and all that they felt to help process it all. It can be helpful to have a therapist or close friend to talk through all of those thoughts and feelings or a spouse/partner if they are able to hold space for you and the loss. Everyone feels loss and fear differently, so finding people who meet you where you are is a necessary step for healing. It can allow you to feel more whole and less like a broken person. You are not broken. Sometimes babies don’t make it even when we do everything “right”.
When you realize you are pregnant again, it can be really hard to be excited and to let yourself start falling in love with the little one growing inside of you. Take your time. Cry when you need, be excited when you can and don’t be mad or disappointed with yourself for not having the emotions you want, when you want them. We highly recommend finding a provider you trust and seeing them as soon as you know you’re pregnant to establish prenatal care. Hearing that first heartbeat and your provider telling you the baby is doing well can allow you to begin feeling excited and falling in love with your baby.
As you go along in your pregnancy, you should prioritize self-care; going for walks in the sunshine, sitting under a tree with a cold lemonade and enjoying the beauty around you. Let it awaken more and more the love and joy and are starting to feel. When you have days where the fear or concern is overwhelming, call a support person or your doula to talk through what you’re feeling. Eat nutritious food and food that brings you joy, stay hydrated, stretch, and take care of your body and mind. Find a yoga group or a walking group to help fill up some of the time that you would be worrying alone. As you get close to the day you lost your last little hope, you may struggle with feelings of fear. Lean on your people and your self-care routine to get you through day by day of your pregnancy.
As you have moments of excitement and joy, fully embrace them. Go buy something for baby you’ve wanted to buy but have been too scared to. Take baby bump pictures, read a story to baby, or document your moment of happiness. As you have more and more of those feelings, your documentation or preparing for baby will be full and wonderful. Have those people who are walking with you celebrate this upcoming little life with a baby shower or something fun. Take pictures, write the memories down and enjoy these exciting moments.
It’s okay to hold both joy and fear as your pregnancy progresses. We see you and are here to support you through both your past loss and your future pregnancy!
